Rebel Nerd

 Words of wisdom from my friend Ron…

 "Cute Girls are easy (to find), you can tell they are cute just by looking at them.  Smart girls take a little more work".

Looks like I have my work cut out for me!

Wednesday Nights are now officially (at least among my friends) “Single’s Night” at Action City in Eau Claire, WI.

Action City is a pretty cool entertainment center that has go-cart racing, laser tag, rock climbing, and tons of games, and more.

They have a special on Wednesday night, which is $20 for unlimited games and rides from 4:00 pm to 9:00 pm. It’s an awesome deal!

So anyway, some friends and I go every Wednesday and some of us are single so I guess that makes it singles night!

So, if you’re ever there on Wednesday night, be sure to stop by and say Hi! You can’t miss us, we are the large group of mid-thirties guys acting like teenagers and hanging around the go-cart track, usually only leaving for a game of laser tag! What more could you ask for?

Check out Action City at http://www.actioncityfun.com/ - yep, they have a crappy flash only web site – but the place is really cool!

It is very rare that I find myself reluctant to do something because I am afraid I will fail.

For most of the day today I have been thinking about my previous post on staying in a bad relationship. I have been trying to figure why I’m so indifferent to being in a relationship right now.

I say that I want a relationship, but I don’t put any thought or effort into meeting new people or finding potential dates, and I began to wonder why. This is fairly unusual for me (I think) – usually if I want something, I just make it happen; I do whatever it takes to achieve my goal. So why is it different now?

After some deliberation and talking to Cyn, I think the reason is two fold…

First, I’m getting older and I honestly see my next relationship as being my last (Hopefully), I want this next relationship to be very meaningful and fulfilling.

Second, I’m afraid I’ll make some serious mistake and ruin the relationship that means the most to me.

It’s the combination of these two factors that are holding me back. I have this irrational fear that if I screw up somehow and ruin the relationship; I will not be able to cope with the consequences of loosing someone in whom I have such a large emotional investment. (Is that last sentence grammatically correct? I’m not sure.)

That is so silly to me, I’m from the “Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained” school of thought, meaning that under normal circumstances I would jump into the next relationship whole heartedly and hope it works out rather than shy away wondering what will happen if it doesn’t work out.

What can I do to change my state of mind and become willing to venture into the next relationship?

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While writing this it occurred to me that this may not be new behavior. In fact, this irrational fear of screwing up and losing the relationship has probably been part of the reason for choosing to date women that I don’t respect in the first place. I obviously have a smaller emotional investment, at least initially, and didn’t have expectations that the relationship would work in the long term.

Hmmm, strange I never thought of it in those terms before. That does explain some things for me…

Oh heck, I’m tired, and I no longer have an idea where this entry is going so I’m going to be, I may or may not pick this line of thought up at a later date!

So my cousin Sue set me up on a blind date. This is the second time she has done this for me. The first girl was great, just not right for me. Somehow Sue knows exactly what I like physically! (See previous blog about staying in a bad relationship)

I won’t get into the details of the date, but I thought it was interesting that I found her very attractive, and not for what I think are the normal reasons.

First, she wore very little makeup, just a little base or whatever you call it. I thought this was great, I don’t like makeup, women always look better without it.

She also had laugh lines around her mouth and crows’ feet around her eyes. I can’t explain it, I think that’s hot! I guess because I associate it with laughing and / or smiling a lot, which is very attractive.

Finally, she did not have large breasts. More accurately she had small anti-gravitational breasts, which are by far my favorite!

I’m sure my friends will not be surprised by this, they know what I like, but I defiantly don’t feel like I’m in the majority with what I find attractive.

We all know someone who is staying in a relationship when the rest of the world is wondering why.

I’ve been there, more than once, and while replying to a comment earlier tonight I started wondering thinking a little more about it. I’m sure everyone has their individual reasons for staying in their current relationship, but how do you identify the reason(s) and ultimately break the pattern?

In my case I usually end up dating women for which I eventually have little or no respect.

Yep, that sucks; it’s not fair to them. As a result I have spent most of my adult life in bad relationships; that’s a pretty heavy price to pay…I wonder if I can I get a refund? =)

So now I’m 36 and quite interested in getting into another relationship. Of course I have high hopes that the next relationship will be great. I dream of the new woman in my life who will be intelligent, resourceful, independent, motivated, intellectually challenging, athletic, adventurous, successful, calm (not easily angered, rational), does not drink, smoke or do drugs, has no children or the children are 16 or older, very open sexually (not an open relationship, just no hang-ups about sex.) but will not sleep with me until the time is right, black or dark brown hair, blue eyes, and a size 3 or less.

Ok, so I’m not exactly proud of all of those requirements but I am being honest here. I would like to think that I’m above some of the physical requirements which are listed last because they are the least important. But I digress…

Historically I have shown poor judgment in choosing a girlfriend so why would it be different next time? I can make a list of what I want in a woman and choose not to date anyone that doesn’t meet those requirements but that feels to logical and impersonal to me. I really enjoyed the strong attraction and passion at the beginning of my previous relationships. I guess I could hope for both, all of the qualities I want and all of the passion I desire, who knows maybe I can have it all.

Of course my own insecurities raise their ugly head…who’s to say the woman I am looking for is looking for a man like me? It might be pretty difficult to get ours lists to match up.

I’m sure we have all heard about how you’re better off ending the relationship so that you’re available for a better relationship, and that life is too short to spend time and effort on a bad relationship, etc. Yep I’ve heard it all. Talk about stating the blatantly obvious!

(How weird is that I am watching “Coming to America” while writing this. Eddie Murphy playing an African prince going to Queens New York to find a wife.)
I think the key is to identify exactly what need, or underlying psychological problem, is being meet by the bad relationship. For me, I’m not sure yet, I have some ideas but nothing concrete.

In the end I worry that I am just more comfortable with being unhappy than I am with being lonely; and that ultimately I will make the same mistake again.

Comments, thoughts, rants, etc. are always welcome!

Ps: Bush is doing a great job…for a retard! (From Mind of Mencia)

Ok, I don’t blog much but I guess myspace requires a user to be registered to comment on my blog so I am moving it. I will eventually transfer all of the entries to this blog but for now you can read the old blog at http://www.myspace.com/duckylotts